{"id":15523,"date":"2025-07-28T10:10:32","date_gmt":"2025-07-28T09:10:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/?page_id=15523"},"modified":"2026-05-29T18:02:48","modified_gmt":"2026-05-29T17:02:48","slug":"talking-about-self-care-with-the-pdaer-in-your-life","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/what-helps-guides\/talking-about-self-care-with-the-pdaer-in-your-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Talking about self-care with the PDAer in your life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;#FFFFFF&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;80px||80px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_heading title=&#8221;Talking about self-care with the PDAer in your life&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; title_font=&#8221;&#8211;et_global_heading_font||||||||&#8221; title_text_align=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px||0px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px||0px||false|false&#8221; title_text_align_tablet=&#8221;center&#8221; title_text_align_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; title_text_align_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_heading][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||0px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||0px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Caring for someone with a PDA profile (Pathological Demand Avoidance) might mean that even small steps toward self-care \u2014 like saying \u201cI need 10 minutes to myself\u201d \u2014 could be met with big emotions or resistance.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">This can feel confusing and painful and may lead to questioning:\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cWhy does it feel so hard just to take a break?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cWhy does this seem to upset them so much?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The answer often lies in how PDAers experience connection, control, and threat.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">People with a PDA profile tend to have an extremely high sensitivity to perceived demands, emotional disconnection, and uncertainty. A key person in their life expressing need for time apart \u2014 even when done calmly and lovingly \u2014 may feel to them like:\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">an unexpected change in rhythm or routine.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">a loss of connection or rejection.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"3\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">a demand to self-soothe, cope, or wait without support.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"4\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">a loss of control in a world that already feels unpredictable.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||0px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Even though the PDAer knows that their parent or carer isn\u2019t abandoning them, their nervous system might be telling them the opposite. This isn&#8217;t a deliberate response \u2014 it&#8217;s a protective one from a place of anxiety.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Understanding this doesn\u2019t mean a carer has to abandon their own needs. It means approaching these conversations with clarity, empathy, care and compromise, so the act of self-care can feel safer for both parties.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; text_font=&#8221;Caveat||||||||&#8221; text_text_color=&#8221;gcid-body-color&#8221; text_font_size=&#8221;36px&#8221; text_line_height=&#8221;36px&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-6923f909-25e5-4c77-be27-cbebb4bb1b7c&#8221; text_orientation=&#8221;center&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px||24px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;40px|40px|40px|40px|false|false&#8221; border_radii=&#8221;on|24px|24px|24px|24px&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-body-color%22:%91%22text_text_color%22%93,%22gcid-6923f909-25e5-4c77-be27-cbebb4bb1b7c%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;]<div>\u201cMy daughter was very anxious about me leaving to go for a meal with a friend locally for a couple of hours. By talking through her fears, picking a restaurant nearby, and ordering her a takeaway from the same place she felt more included in the process.\u201d<\/div>\n<div>Celine*<\/div>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_heading title=&#8221;How to talk about parent\/carer needs with a PDAer&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; title_level=&#8221;h2&#8243; title_text_align=&#8221;left&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; title_text_align_tablet=&#8221;left&#8221; title_text_align_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; title_text_align_last_edited=&#8221;on|desktop&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_heading][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><span data-contrast=\"none\" xml:lang=\"EN-GB\" lang=\"EN-GB\" class=\"TextRun SCXW261922719 BCX8\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261922719 BCX8\">Here are some approaches <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261922719 BCX8\">which could<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW261922719 BCX8\"> help these conversations go more smoothly, while still holding boundaries.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW261922719 BCX8\" data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><strong>1. Reassurance: &#8220;This is about me, not you&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">PDAers can sometimes interpret parent\/carer need for space as a personal rejection. The feeling of being abandoned can be lessened by making it clear that it\u2019s not about them and explaining the reasons why a short time apart is needed.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cI love being with you. I just need a little time to reset so I can feel good again. It\u2019s not because of anything you\u2019ve done \u2014 it\u2019s just something I need.\u201d<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><strong>2. <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW79935815 BCX8\">Reframing to be about<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW79935815 BCX8\"> capacity, not control<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\" xml:lang=\"EN-GB\" lang=\"EN-GB\" class=\"TextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">I<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">t<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\"> might be<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\"> helpful to explain<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\"> that<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\"> <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">self-care<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\"> <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">means taking some time to do what we need to do keep o<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">ur <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">b<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">odies and brains healthy and working <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">well<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\"> How this looks is different for everyone, <\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW129898132 BCX8\">\u201cI notice when I get tired, I get snappy or overwhelmed. A little quiet time helps my brain feel more settled \u2014 just like you might need space after a busy day.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW129898132 BCX8\" data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><strong>3. <span data-contrast=\"none\" xml:lang=\"EN-GB\" lang=\"EN-GB\" class=\"TextRun SCXW238507489 BCX8\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW238507489 BCX8\">Offering predictability and reconnection cues\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">For some PDAers, the hardest part is not knowing when you&#8217;ll be back or feeling unsure if the connection will return. Being clear about what you are away for and offering reconnection rituals can make this easier to handle.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m going to have a cup of tea and read. I\u2019ll be back when I finish my chapter. Then if you like we can watch something together after.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Even a simple plan can reduce the panic.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><strong>4. <span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW231756558 BCX8\">Validating<\/span><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW231756558 BCX8\"> emotions \u2014 and holding boundaries<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">It is possible to show compassion without abandoning your own needs. Saying something like:\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cI know this is hard. I understand it feels scary when I need space. I\u2019ll be back soon \u2014 and we\u2019ll be okay.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Try not to argue, convince, or fix their feelings, just acknowledging and listening to them is important.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><strong>5. Using calm moments to plan<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">It\u2019s best to avoid explaining self-care boundaries during emotional meltdowns or moments of stress. Instead, exploring it when things are calmer could look like:\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cI\u2019ve noticed that when I step away, it can feel upsetting. I want to make it easier for both of us. What might help you feel safe during those times? Could we make a plan together?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Giving the PDAer in your life a sense of agency (without controlling your choices) may reduce their instinct to resist or panic.<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-9868c831-dc08-4be7-96b8-e0cb537cb9dc%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><strong>6. Using language that respects their autonomy<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Being mindful about what is said in these moments is important to help keep feelings of anxiety to a minimum. Try to communicate in a way that helps them relate to the experience and how you could be feeling:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cWhen you feel that things are too much you get to take a break \u2014 and I need that too.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cI understand that you might be triggered by feeling out of control of this situation and I don\u2019t want to force anything or cause you distress. I\u2019m just sharing what I need right now to see if we can find a way forward together.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Speaking gently and with respect for their experience means they\u2019re more likely to be able to try and understand yours.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; background_color=&#8221;gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{%22gcid-d4d84b5e-d061-48e7-894c-a52b4e3d47de%22:%91%22background_color%22%93}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;||24px||false|false&#8221; locked=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.4&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; custom_margin=&#8221;0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;0px|0px|16px|0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_tablet=&#8221;32px|0px||0px|false|false&#8221; custom_padding_phone=&#8221;0px||16px||false|false&#8221; custom_padding_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; text_orientation_tablet=&#8221;&#8221; text_orientation_phone=&#8221;left&#8221; text_orientation_last_edited=&#8221;on|phone&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<p><b>It&#8217;s worth remembering:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"28\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">self-care is not abandonment, it\u2019s what helps you to stay compassionate and responsive.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"28\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">a PDAer\u2019s resistance is not rejection, it\u2019s fear, often of disconnection or demand.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"28\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"3\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">the relationship doesn\u2019t suffer from your rest \u2014 it depends on it (even though it might not feel like that at the time).<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"28\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" data-aria-posinset=\"4\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">boundaries can coexist with love, in fact, they are an expression of it.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">If you need personalised information or support on this or any other PDA related matters, you may wish to contact our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/support-and-training\/support\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer nofollow\">support service<\/a>.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335557856&quot;:16777215,&quot;335559739&quot;:0}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Suggestions for carers of PDAers when discussing self care and making time for themselves<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":0,"parent":8181,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"course_tag":[363],"class_list":["post-15523","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","course_tag-carer-support"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/15523","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/26"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15523"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/15523\/revisions"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8181"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15523"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"course_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.pdasociety.org.uk\/pda2025staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/course_tag?post=15523"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}