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has my 13yr old got PDA
  • saffi
    Posts: 3
    my daughter shows no emotion in school very quiet has found it difficult to learn or remember things but when she comes home shows intense anger towards the rest of the family, she tells the school that she likes it but tells us that she hates everything has to have control of all the things in the house ie tv, computor , and never wants to leave the house or spend anytime with the family will shut herself away in her room. If we try to make her or put any demands on her she goes ballistic hitting out at anybody in reach,has no remorse for anything she has done it is as though it had never happened.She used to rock backwards and forwards talking to herself. Now goes to education out of school for the mornings only but getting her there is a nightmare but once there is extremlly passive and quiet. She has to have her way or makes out that it is never her fault in anything she does like tormenting her sisters it is allways there fault never hers.Acts very much as a young child would play acting around her emotions up one min and very moody the next. likes to minipulate every one around her saying one thing to somebody and telling us something else. she has also selfharmed to try to not go to school and now constantly threatens this if she does not want to do anything like go to school. PLEASE HELP.
  • Hi saffi

    My son is only 6 and is diagnosed with PDA, your daughter does show many of the signs , especially taken the anxiety of school out on you and needing her on way all the time, I would go to the doctor or speak to your peadriction if you have one, only problem is that not all doctors recognise pda.
    Another good site to get advice from people is Parents side by side.

    Keep smiling if you can I know its hard , and keep at the doctors to give you a diagnois then you can find stratergies that will help.

    Lisa Fidler
  • webbwebb
    Posts: 2,566
    Hi Saffi

    A lot of the ways in which you describe your daughter could be PDA.

    The main criteria for this disorder are....needing to control everyone in the family and everything around them.....and being pathalogically (extremly) avoidant of anything you ask her to do.

    They can be a nightmare at home and yet very passive at school.

    I think that if you haven't already done so you should contact your GP to get a refferal to a Psychologist or child developement centre where they have paediatricians, psychologist and psychiatrists.

    Your daughter is already 13 and her behaviours need addressing. When she is 16 she will be classed as an adult and it will then be her decision to seek help or not.

    Living with a child who is so demanding and unreasonable is emotionally and mentally very drainning. Do you have any professionals involved yet?

    I do feel for you and her sisters, it sounds like you could do with a break!

    Post again and tell us if you have contacted any professionals Yet, may be we could help.

  • saffi
    Posts: 3
    I am worried to go to my gp with her because i know she will just shut down in front of anybody when we are trying to get her help, do i go on my own and try to explain what is going on with her or do i make her go with me?.

    Who do i speak to first my daughter to tell her what i am going to do or go the see the gp first and say what i think is going on with my daughter.

    will be glad of some help on this dilemma
  • Hi Saffi

    This is a tricky one , as on one hand they need to see her as she is, and on the other I don,t believe it is good to talk about a child in front of them.

    If I was you I would go and see the G.P on your own first, then from that appointment arrange for the G.p to meet your daughter, you never know they may even , suggest someone else for you to see, just don,t give in, stick to your guns until they give you some kind of answer.

  • Connor
    Posts: 111
    I truly sympathise with you. My son is only 4 and a half and already a nightmare! It is very difficult for siblings to cope with, I have 2 girls too. My son is the youngest.
    I live in Cornwall too and it was the paediatrician who came up with pda! We are now waiting for the autistic team to see what they think. He has a statement and full time help but not yet officially diagnosed. Good luck!
  • webbwebb
    Posts: 2,566
    Hi Saffi

    Some good advice has already been given and I would also say go to your GP on your own. Ask for a referral to a child development centre or to see a Paediatrician. Go for your first appointment with the Paediatrician without your daughter but with your partner or relative who knows your daughter well(proffessionals do take you more seriously if there is more than one adult saying the same thing).

    The Paediatrician will probably want to see your daughter at some point but my son was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome without ever having since a professional.

    When you go to see the Paed. take a list of the PDA criteria with you, at least then they can see you have done your homework! and if they don't know what PDA is they will then!

    Why don't you private message "Connor" and ask for the name and address of thier Paed.?

    You don't have to tell your daughter anything yet.

    Take Care
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