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Attachments: PDA style!
  • Hello All!
    Haven't been here for yonks.....Hope y'all had a good Christmas! Yup, it's been THAT long! Anyway, I was wondering if any of you good people had any tips and advice regarding the strong attachments that PDA kids (well, mine anyway!) develop for other children.

    Charlotte has known M since pre-school. He instigated the friendship and although she wasn't initially that bothered about him, I think he wore her down and they became 'best friends'. They went up to 'big school' in September 06 and her intense attachment really showed itself. She'd cry if he left the room and they were always found together, beit lunch time, playtime or whenever. I was unaware of how deep this went for her, as she ignores him if she sees him outside of school so it came as a bit of a shock when I found out!

    Anyway, the inevitable has happened and M has decided (with all the tact and diplomacy of your typical 5 year old!) that Charlotte isn't his best friend anymore. He has found a new friend to play with, and whenever Charlotte approaches him he tells her to 'go away'. She is devastated. I have just spent the worst weekend with her being aggressive (almost unheard of with her), rude, stroppier than a room-full of hormonal teenagers and as angry as I have ever seen anyone.

    She finally told me this evening (from the depths of a hug) that M didn't want her as his best friend anymore. In a way I'm glad (M is not always the best of influences!) that the bond is broken but in another way I feel so sorry for her. She's had nightmares, she thinks that because M doesn't want her nobody else does either. She even said that she wouldn't cuddle her favourite toy tonight at bedtime because it told her (and I quote) 'that Pounce told me in the night that she doesn't love me any more'.

    What can I do to help my very sad little girl? Now I know why she was so unhappy I can deal with it at home with even more reassurances than usual, but what about school? I've always told her that she can never have too many friends, but she doesn't relate well to most of the other children in her class (as I'm sure you can appreciate) and M was really the only one she ever bothered with.

    She's really confused and I'd love to help her through this, but I don't know what else to do and I'd really like to make it easier for her if it happens again in the future.

    All advice very gratefully received.

    Roll on 1.30 Friday when the holidays begin and I get her all to myself again!
  • Awww bless her and u! wish i had some advice but i have much the same troubles and more with my own son and i am very new to PDA, my son was only assessed on 1st March and still awaiting for full detailed report (another few weeks to go) but his problems are very complex and so not easy to live with.

    I have sent u a pm.

    Bambi x
  • webbwebb
    Posts: 2,558
    Hi Mum2charlotte

    My son aged 12 went through many times like you have described between Charlotte and M.
    He too formed attachments to one particular child and stuck to them like glue for months on end, much to the annoyance of the other child.
    However because the other child got annoyed and very upset, the teacher got involved and my son was helped to get involved with other activities and other children.
    Maybe you could talk to your childs teacher about how upset she is at loosing her best friend or use the home/school diary. Then the teachers can help Charlotte to form new friendships or find her things to do at playtime to distract her.
    My son wasn't quite so upset at loosing his friend, I imagine this must be very hard for you and your daughter.
    Take Care
  • M's new best friend has the chicken pox! So, Charlotte is M's best friend again! This is so frustrating for her AND me! She is so happy now though and I'm dreading her going back to school after Easter (they break up tomorrow) as it will probably start all over again. I suspect that this is going to keep happening......

    She spent last night telling me how she was going to play with some of the girls from her class and that she was going to tell M that she "didn't need him anymore", but he could still be her friend if her wanted to. She decided this all by herself and gave it great thought and deliberation and now this other little boy very selfishly gets himself all chiken poxed! :x

    Honestly! What timing...... :)
  • M has chicken pox as well now!

    That's the second time he's had it now.......(rofl)
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