Sign In

Please sign in using the log in form at the top of this page or click here

Not a member

You need to register before you can start a new discussion or comment on a post.

Click the button below to go to our forum registration page.

In this Discussion

Welcome to the PDA Society Forum. Please take time to read the 'Forum terms and conditions', which can be found via this webpage: and also in our NEW Forum User Guide:
Messages in the 'General Discussions' category of the forum are visible to all internet users. You are therefore advised not to post anything of a confidential nature in this category.
Welcome to the PDA Society Discussion Forum. Please read our User Guide for more information and contact if you would like to join one of our closed Member Forums for registered members only.
  • jojes
    Posts: 25
    Hello just wondered if anyone out there has got any ideas how to go about talking to there child about there emotions,my son is 7 and goes from 0 to boiling point in 2 seconds,mostly at school,I keep trying to talk to him about his feelings but he either gets angry or he cries i tell him that i just want to help him but he just say that he doesnt want to talk or tells me to shut up,could anyone offer any advice or suggest a good book. :D joanne.
  • mango69
    Posts: 967
    Hi Jojes,
    I have found it very difficult to talk to Max about his emotions because like your son, he really doesn't want to go there! It has probably only been in the last year (he's just turned 9 now) that we have been able to make any progress with it. I sometimes use a 5 point scale where 5 is really very angry and 1 is not at all angry. It might be worth trying to mention this as regards your own feelings first like saying - oooh I'm so angry - I am a 5/5 or, gosh that makes me feel a bit angry - 3/5 and see if he asks you what you mean - or he may just pick up on it himself. I think that its useful and rather than just 'being' angry he might be able to communicate when he is even a bit angry. Its also worth talking about him feeling happy when he is obviously in a really happy mood without mentioning the other emotions just as a way of generally talking about feelings. These are just a few things we did and it seemed to help but its a long haul and I don't think we have made a huge amount of progress, but the other day he did mention about something very sad at school the other day about a child in the school who had died and it had made one of his classmates really sad and she had been crying. I was amazed that he had volunteered this to me so every little helps I think.
  • jojes
    Posts: 25
    thanks for that I have brought a book titled the incredible 5 point scale its by kari dunn buron you can copy the pages so I must make time to try and put it into practice again i tried it a year ago but i think it was to much for my son as he doesnt like to admit he gets angry in the first place thanks again any ideas I take on board. :)
  • webbwebb
    Posts: 2,578
    Hi jojes

    Thought I would let you know that there was a small section of the PDA conference on "Emotional Wellbeing"
    This section was led by the Assisstant Head Teacher of Sutherland House School, Nottm.(ASD school).
    They have several children with PDA within the school.

    The teacher emphasised that this area is very hard to talk about with PDA children and she mentioned several ways of trying to raise this topic with children.
    She said sitting down and trying to talk to the child is usually met with the childs avoidance ie like you said "shut up - go away"
    So she sugested trying to engage the child in an activity like baking etc and try to talk to the child whilst half their attention was focused on the baking. (in-direct conversation).
    She stressed never making/giving eye contact, whilst talking.

    She has used animal pictures (say a grumpy gorilla) to ask the child "What do you think this animal might be thinking/feeling? She had some very funny and enlightening answers from the children.
    She has also used Puppets ie "the puppet can't go to the party because he is ill, how do you think he feels?
    Comic-strip was another, using thought bubbles as well as speech bubbles.
    The last one was making a list with the child. 3 headings, Good things - OK Things - Bad Things. This was an attempt at looking at how they saw things in their life. Apparently , she said the section headed OK things very rarely had things in it. Showing that many things with our children are Black or White ie only Good or Bad, things were never just OK!!!

    I felt she was trying to say we should tackle this subject slowly, saying an odd thing here or their rather than trying to sit down and force our children to talk about their feelings for 2 hours with no "props".
    Hope I have given you some ideas you might be able to use with your child
    Take Care
  • Lixina
    Posts: 289
    One book you might find helpful is Emotional Intelligence.
  • jojes
    Posts: 25
    Thankyou very much,I feel I can help/talk Dylan threw things at home,he gets upset if hes beginning to get anxious dont know why maybe because hes finding it all a bit hard for him????anyway thankyou for the replies.
    The book Emotional Intelligence!do you know the author?thanks again lovely to read messages from an asd person or pda it is fascinating.
  • Anne
    Posts: 7
    I was really interested to read this thread. My daughter experiences all her emotions really intensely. She lives in the moment so she sometimes isn't able to balance things out very well. As we HE we spend a lot of time working on this area. I thought that I would write a list of what we use and had some some success with as perhaps another parent might also find one or two of use. they have all helped her -to some extent. She is now able to say exactly what emotion she is feeling and why she is feeling them- although that doesn't mean to say that she can cope with some of them well.

    Mind Reading - the interactive guide to emotions CD-Rom set

    The Wayland series 'your emotions'
    Success stories - by Sandbox(these can be altered so the child can have a different name/gender/colouring to your own child)
    comic strip conversations
    Mr Men books - (good for learning characterisation)
    The Transporters - disover the world of emotions DVD
    No More Stinking Thinking -Joann Altiero
    A Volcano in my Tummy Eliane Whitehouse and Warwick Pudney
    The incredible 5 point scale
    When My Worries Get too Big Kari Dunn Buron
    Charade cards - we created and adapted for her
    What are they thinking - webber photo cards
    Think it Say it - speach and language resources
    Pragmatic game boards 'say and do' - Duper publicatins
    Drawing together to learn about feelings - Marge Eaton Heegaard
    Yoga and teaching basic visualisation techniques
    and what helped us to read also was Teaching the Tiger - A handbook for individuals involved in the education of students with attention deficit disorders, tourette syndrome or obsessive-compulsive disorder
    The Explosive Child - Ross W. Greene
    and similar books
  • Garden
    Posts: 329
    There is a lady called Margot Sunderland who has written a series of therapeutic books designed to be read with children on various different emotions. There is also a handbook for parents to read with each one. They are aimed at traumatised children but could be used with any child who has a problem with a particular emotion. For example, one of them is 'Ruby and the Rubbish Bin' which is about a girl who has low self esteem. There's also ones about Anger, Anxiousness, Yearning for Someone who has Died - you can get them from Amazon. I read one with my daughter this morning and she really responds to them. But you can often find general kids' books which cover useful feelings too.
  • Lixina
    Posts: 289
    Sorry, what I meant was Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.
This discussion has been closed.
All Discussions