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  • Hi,
    I have a 6 year old with Asperger's and PDA (recently diagnosed with the latter at EYC, Notts) and a 4 year old with High Functioning Autism and possibly PDA - both boys.

    The youngest desperately wants to be with his brother, follows him around, tries to talk to him etc. but the eldest avoids him whenever he can and can be quite spiteful to him at times, kicking him etc.

    On the rare occasions they do play together - the eldest is showing his brother what to do, directing the play etc - bossing him around.

    Anyone any experience of 2 ASD siblings and how to help them get on better ?
    I really need help - when they fight I have to have one in one room and the other in another and stand in the doorway so they can both see me, as they don't like being in rooms alone, and will continue to taunt each other and try to get to each other.
  • Amanda
    Posts: 281
    Hi, I am in almost the same situation as you. I have two boys 14 and 12. Mark is on the spectrum and has PDA and James has Aspergers. They are both are at opposite ends of everything. Mark hates people, would prefer no one ever looked at him or talked to him while James is in the face of anyone near him and has to be constantly remind about space and whats acceptable. James likes to touch, Mark hates people touching him. James loves noise, Mark loaths it.

    I wish I could say that we have it all worked out, sadly we don't and over the years have tried every way suggested to help them interact. The thing is that having PDA Mark doesnt want James near him and will literally hammer him at every opportunity. I have had to watch my son abused by his brother for too long and we have tried explaining to James that it's not a good idea to go to Mark for friendship but as he has Aspergers its really hard to get him to understand.
    Mark was given medication but it couldnt help with the sibling thing. Mark resents James for being born, for taking the attention away from him and for breathing most of the time.

    After many years of living like this and after failing to get help with this from any quarter we have come to the conclusion that keeping them apart is the best thing.
    We have converted the dining room into a bedsitter for Mark. This means that he can spend time in his room but we can supervise him closer and it also means that James and his sister have a lot more safe space upstairs.
    There is talk of putting a shower in the cupboard next to the room so that Mark has no need to go upstairs.

    This has already paid dividends as James is now eating properly and Mark feels that he can now interact with us on his terms. Both boys seem to be sleeping better and just not having to hear the screams from upstairs every 5 minutes is a great help to us, mentally.
    We are still unable to let our guard down too much though as just the other day my husband and I slipped upstairs to take some presents up and Mark had James pinned down in the living room and was pinching and biting him.

    This is what is working for us now, I know it isn't the answer you are seeking and I would love to see my boys spend time together but it just isn't safe, not for James anyway. I might point out that James is a dot of a boy, not yet 5 ft and Mark is 5ft 9 and built like a tank.
  • Thank god Im not alone I have two kids at oppersite ends of the spectrum my eldest has lots of pda traits my youngest is quite and thoughtful my eldest lies for england and my youngest is very honest,my partner? also has simular behaviours to eldest.We are now in crisis mode has my partner blew has he couldnt cope any longer with eldest and his continual obbsessions and fighting.I am living apart trying to decide what to do,the bit about no help just rang so true,my partner asked his gp for help he intern asked specialist but no help so far and this has being looming for months.
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