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Refusing to leave the house and go out.
  • Kallie79
    Posts: 27
    Hello everyone.
    I'm just after some tips if anyone has some really.
    Today I am trapped in the house once again.
    I have no idea what triggers this refusal to go out but here we are again nevertheless.
    Does anyone else have this issue with their child?
    My son loves being outdoors but he will very often refuse point blank to go out even just to go to the shops. I have nothing in for dinner and need to get out but he won't budge. Tried to put his shoes on and he just kicked them off, kicked me in the leg and told me to go away etc.
    What a wonderful day I'm having.
    Any advice much appreciated
    Thanks folks
  • Rubytuesday
    Posts: 308
    Hi, can’t offer much advice but just wanted to say we have this with my daughter too. She really struggles to go out due to her anxiety, even places she wants to go. It can be very tricky, especially if you need to go somewhere... The only thing that sometimes works with my daughter is being very laid back about going out (or pretending to be!), saying we can go if she wants to but it doesn’t matter if not, not rushing her, but being ready myself (because if she then is able to go we need to leave instantly).
  • RhanHRhanH
    Posts: 1,152
    Sometimes it can be really hard for our children to do the things they love and it’s the expectation that they can do it, that makes them refuse!

    I often bribe my daughter, 10, when it comes to shopping; she gets to pick a pudding or maybe even the dinner and sometimes I’ll let her choose some sweets! I always let her take something to hold and I promise that I’ll only get what’s on the list to make the trip as quick as possible.

    I have been known to phone a friend to buy some food in the holidays if my daughter is really struggling but where possible I’ll plan ahead with an on-line shop!

    Hang in there and perhaps try different things to help ease the transition; maybe taking a favourite toy, agreeing to play a favourite game when you’re back, etc.

    Hope this helps a little.
  • HannahH29
    Posts: 48
    We have this all the time too- especially if there is nothing in it for him! We have just had major anxiety and meltdown about going to a new soft play/ centre today even though he was excited about going but ultimately he was much more comfortable just going down the road to the local soft play that he knows well. We often take the iPad or bribe essentially with sweets or Dad will take him swimming and I take his brothers to supermarket with me. Any family or grandparents that could help and even sit at home with him while you go? I dreaded the weekend stand off about shopping so much I now make sure I go on Friday to get the weekend shop, but this isn’t always possible for working parents.
    HTH x
  • Kallie79
    Posts: 27
    Thanks everyone.
    My family live over 50 miles away and they're not much use anyway. Pretty isolated if I'm honest.
    Im grateful for your replies
  • June67
    Posts: 816
    We also often have similar issues when going out is not for him, again we have not found any constant solutions except letting him know in advance (for important stuff like meetings at the bank etc.) and repeating gradually over time so he can get used to the idea and comes out often unwillingly or with the carrot of a reward that he can choose within reason. It is very tricky but sometimes giving him an element of choice (or the illusion of it) works, you know we've got no food for dinner tonight what could we have? where should we get it from? how shall we go there? if we need it in time for dinner when would be best to go? I try and give just on or maybe two of these choices with sensible options to pick from. Then a few minutes before their chosen time oh it's nearly x o clock when you said we needed to go to tell me what do we need to do first to get ready shall we race.. do you remember what you chose for dinner, giving control of the bag, money etc can sometimes help especially if they are younger, bit harder now mine are in their teens but it still works sometimes.. or if not the natural consequence of not going shopping is no dinner, obviously don't starve the kids but sometimes they only get it when they've seen/experienced the consequence.
  • Kallie79
    Posts: 27
    Thanks June.
    I've decided a system whereby he chooses the time we go out. It's hard to know where the hell I'm going wrong.
    Thanks again.
  • MarSet
    Posts: 38
    Hi Kallie79,
    I get this situation quite a lot but he's 13 so I can just nip to the shops if I need too, although I do have to be quick because if he's not attended to he's into everything. When he was younger the only thing that would get him to move was unfortunately blackmail, if he came he could have a quid to spend. He would still drag his heals though. We've got no family and friends we can call on for help so it really is down to trail and error.

    Hope you manage to find a solution soon

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