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Consequences: Do they work with PDA kids?
  • Kallie79
    Posts: 27
    Hello lovely people.
    I'm beginning to wonder whether imposing consequences works for kids with PDA?
    My social worker seems to be of the opinion that they don't. I'm very confused.
    Yes I give consequences for bad behaviour such as no screen time for a few days ect. It does not seem to make much difference.
    Ant thoughts much appreciated
    Thanks folks.
  • SGCmum
    Posts: 84
    Hi Kallie. I have found a few posts on this issue. I personally haven't found they make a difference, and can just increase resentment. However, I have wondered how people manage to impose boundaries without them. I definately find anything that lasts more than 1 day just leads my kids to think they have lost something anyway so why bother to behave. And if they keep on hitting, swearing etc , how many punishments can you add on? If someone has an answer, I also will be very happy to hear it.
  • MarSet
    Posts: 38
    Hi Kallie79,

    I found consequences never worked with my son they just used to make him worse, the only thing that I found was a technology ban which would cause major meltdowns until he accepted the fact but then he would become much more demanding with everything else and be right in my face with it too.
  • Kallie79
    Posts: 27
    Thanks guys xx
  • June67
    Posts: 812
    I have found consequences counterproductive for the most part as they seem to lead to more stress and outbursts as my son often doesn't fully understand that something he has done is wrong. Generally if he is doing bad things he is highly stressed and not receptive to punishments or discussions of his behaviour, when he is calm things can be gently discussed. The only things that work are natural consequences such as if you throw x and it breaks you can't use it anymore, if you break your brothers computer etc. he will have yours and you will have nothing, if you don't get dressed you will be late etc where life is the teacher not me.
    PS praise and rewards don't often work with my son either as often he tries to make every situation one where he gets a reward which is often rather too large for the task e.g. £10 to play a game with his brother and we feel like he is blackmailing us to get him to be good. We tend to do surprise rewards of something he's into when he has had a good patch with something that was an issue.
  • Kallie79
    Posts: 27
    Thanks june67
    I think that's a really great way of handling thing actually. I like the idea of natural consequences.
    I'll.bear that in mind
    Thanks again.
  • bettyboo1
    Posts: 49
    I used to give technology ban for more serious things like destruction of prop really bad name calling and foul lang only a day however now I'm finding as she's got older (12) that it doesn't work as I have to then deal with even worse behaviour all day and night during the ban which is simply awful . It doesn't deter from further behaviours in same situation again either so what's the point she learns nothing. It's very hard but I'm doing more natural consequences and ignoring my family who think no wonder my kid behaves the way she does. Yeah they know nothing. I'll see how it goes but totally understand what you mean. Good luck
  • HarHer
    Posts: 346
    Re Consequences: never worked for my eldest: he used to inflict his own consequences (self injurious behaviour) if he felt he had offended anyone and 'consequences' at school e.g. being duty managed and placed in isolation were exactly what he wanted (an escape from an intolerable environment).

    For the youngest, consequences became meaningless. He did something wrong; he took the consequence, and even with an explanation of why the consequence had been put in place, he seemed to think of the process as an exchange of X behaviour for Y consequence.

    In retrospect, perhaps like many parents, it was not so much the challenges of the children's behaviour, but more the fact that each child needed such very different approaches, that I found difficult to manage.

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