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Good patch??!
  • HannahH29
    Posts: 48
    Hi,
    I just wondered how many parents of PDAers go through occasional ‘ good patches’. Currently the violent behavioural escalations have dramatically reduced even though the demand avoidant behaviour is still present ( albeit to a slightly lesser degree). We still have manipulative behaviours ( my son told me he would only go on a family outing this weekend- for mother’s day- not something of his choosing if we ‘buy him a toy’....). There are still issues with food/ sensory stuff and repetitive behaviours/ anxious behaviours and some newly occurring social issues ( not being first to have a turn at the game or being annoyed with children running off when he wants them to place races, as ‘they are cheating’)

    I just wondered if PDAers do go through ups and downs ( tbh I don’t think the constant daily agressive meltdowns could continue just because of sheer exhaustion over them). It’s weird as it’s awful and worrying and exhausting when they are at their worst but when things have improved slightly you worry about not being taken seriously by professisonals. I guess I worry as we have our assessment next month at help for psychology and I worry they will think we are wasting their time!

    I’m confused!
  • HannahH29
    Posts: 48
    I forgot to mention that it hasn’t just happened by accident, we have significantly reduced demands at home ( especially social ones with family that seem to cause the most difficulty), tried to redirect and distract and different activities after school to add novelty to the usual routine. We have also tapped into interests and calming activities to ensure he has access to these.
  • June67
    Posts: 795
    Hi Hannah, from what you say his behaviours have calmed as you have employed strategies that are helping at the moment. This is actually more evidence of his issues and needs. He can overcome some things with support but as you say the underlying things such as sensory issues, need for control and meltdowns are still present albeit on a lesser scale. Glad you are having a good patch at the moment, my boys have gone the other way this week, or I'm just to tired to cope with them. Hope the assessment goes ok. Having an answer one way or the other is not wasting anyone's time.
  • bagpuss24
    Posts: 18
    Hi Hannah.

    We have exactly the same.
    We go through periods of daily extreme violent meltdowns. And then suddenly will have a period of relative calmness - but still with the demand avoidance.

    We came out of a reasonably quiet period yesterday morning - with a very violent meltdown, school refusal, and our son barricading himself in the bathroom.
    During his outburst - he threw anything not fixed down the stairs - and became even more distressed when he had realised what he had done. Causing him to hyperventilate in a huge panic attack.
    This hasn't happened for a while - and he ended up not going to school; however - he was happy for one of us to go up to school to pick up some work.

    The school marked him as "Emotionally Unfit for school" and his teacher always has a contingency plan - and work available if he asks for it (no pressure).

    This morning; our son got up, got ready for school with no fuss at all....

    Reflecting on yesterdays events - we are unsure what sparked it all off and can only think it was caused by little anxieties building up here and there over the period of a week or two. And - yesterday was the tipping point.

    Like you, we are also worried that these quiet periods can be seen by some professionals as us being over zealous, or even wasting their time.

    However - we have a notebook (we call the "grey book"), which we write in such episodes, and any anxieties/fears my son has - and pass it on to his teacher each morning to read and follow up if required.
    The reason for this was that he "masks" in school; they do not see the other side - the meltdowns and panic attacks - so the notebook helps those Professionals see the full picture - not half of it.


  • HannahH29
    Posts: 48
    Thank you so much both of you for the reassuring replies- in some ways it lulls you into a false sense of security or I guess complacency on my part! Having said that, we returned from our usual 2 hour jaunt to the park after school and my son decided to tip the entire toy box over and start hurling toys at his brothers and anyone else in the room. I had to physically remove him to safeguard his brothers. The trigger I think was he loudly complained over and over about the smell when we got in the house, which was his brother’s dinner. Also Nanny was at home and changing from one thing to another and someone else being in the house when he doesn’t expect them to be there is one of his triggers. Just as you have said bagpuss my son masks also and is ( almost) a model pupil! So I just look like a blithering idiot when I talk to the teachers but they are supportive. Thank God this forum is here to speak to like minded people who know how hard it is every day x
  • bagpuss24
    Posts: 18
    HannahH29 - you have more or less described a recent day from our 'Daily Diary' - word for word.
    Our son arrived home from school, to find an unexpected visitor - and we had the same thing.

    If you don't do it already - I would strongly advise keeping a day to day diary; we have an A5 one, 1 day per page, and just write in things like moods, school refusal, any changes at school, who you spoke to, and what they said.
    It seems a tedious, pointless exercise - though has been very helpful to us in pin pointing different triggers - (through this, we found that having a different Teacher unexpectedly was one - as meltdowns could sometimes be more extreme around a particular day).

    Also - these diaries are good strong evidence - especially when you attend school meetings, or even meetings with Cahms - as it provides a whole picture.

    Cahms wanted to visit home - there is no way our son would allow this.

    Family or visitors have to give us good notice before arriving.

    Not had a bad day today!!! :-)




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