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Adults and false allegations
  • Andrea57
    Posts: 3
    I'm just wondering if there are any new ideas about this. I do search regularly for information. I don't want to share too much, to keep anonymity. The person in my life who I think has PDA keeps making allegations against me. It is hard to keep acting normally around people who clearly believe this. It has gone so far that he is contacting organisations for help and even sending for books and going to presentations about this type of abuse! I'm not sure whether he misinterprets things as abuse, or whether it is a form of manipulation. Like others, he is intelligent and plausible.
  • RhanHRhanH
    Posts: 1,170
    I will send you a Private Message - take a look within the 'Messages' tab to read.
  • SMH123
    Posts: 1
    I believe my partner has PDA. I have only just come to this conclusion after seeing your website. He and I have had serious relationship problems for about three years, and a year of couples' therapy in which the therapist has apparently not spotted the problem. My partner has made false accusations of "bullying" and "intimidation" against me and also against a woman he hardly knows, and has now told our therapist that I need separate treatment because I have an anger problem. I am not usually an angry person at all; my anger is only a result of his accusations against me. I am afraid that his accusations will get worse and that some people will believe his false accusations and other people will know that they are false and will get angry with him. The woman he accused of bullying is extremely upset and I have only managed to calm her down by telling her that he is probably autistic. Can I get any help for this situation? I live in Surrey. How can I find a therapist here that really understands this problem?
  • RhanHRhanH
    Posts: 1,170
    Hi SMH123, welcome to the Forum. I will send you a Private Message too.
  • agr
    Posts: 3
    My son was diagnosed as Autistic spectrum at 4 years of age.He was taken into L.A. care at :-at that time and placed in a residential home for 3 years without a mother figure. At seven he was moved to a foster-family. When he reached 14, i asked for a transition plan; at the very least i was hoping he would get the chance of a home-life with natural family when he got to 18. This was refused me and him. I know he suffers anxiety due to his autistic condition and suspect he has been brainwashed over the years about me.After 10 years of very satisfactory contacts up until I asked for the transition plan ,he suddenly ,out of the blue, allegedly announced he never wanted to see me again so all contact was stopped. Then a year later, when i put in an appeal, he started to accuse me of having abused him sexually and the allegations were passed to the Police.The Police did nothing for six months until i approached them and asked what was going on. I was never arrested or charged with an offence .I was not told the full tale and what evidence there is, apart for the fact he had made allegations of a sexual nature. Nothing at all after that until 13 months later so I contacted the Police again demanding to know what was going on.They asked me to call to the Police station ,again told me nothing and did not charge me but issued me with a notification that i was to attend Court 4 months later and i am bailed to go to Crown Court in due course.
    This is so terrible,I can hardly believe it. I am completely innocent.
    I suspect he has had these thoughts put into his head by his carers or a social worker. Or is it pda symptomatic of his ASC? The allegations are fantasy but what the hell can i do?
    I've got a barrister on legal aid . But this worry is sending me crazy. Should i just abandon my son and leave him to his fate ?
  • webbwebb
    Posts: 2,596
    Hello agr

    I am really sorry to hear that after 10 years of good 'contact' with your son, he has decided he doesn't want to see you and not just that but he has now made allegations against you.

    If the Police have not interviewed you regarding the allegations and have not charged you, how can they just send you a court date?

    Your barrister must demand to know what the allegations are and what the charge is. Only then can your barrister prepare a defense case for you.

    I do hope your barrister can get the information needed and start to look into the allegations.

    I have heard of children with PDA accusing their parents of abuse but the Police have always very clearly stated in detail what the actual allegations are and charged/bailed the parent until the court date.

    Hope this can be resolved quickly.
  • agr
    Posts: 3
    Sorry,my post should have read that i was given notification to appear at the Magistrates Court. No charges had been made but three days before court my lawyers received the allegations.Then i was indicted and ordered to attend at Crown Court.Then committed to Crown Court for trial.
    Apparently procedure must have changed,you don't have to be charged these days ,they just do it by notification to go to court.

    Thanks for your reply .The Police eventually sent the allegations to my lawyer but not until just before court.
    Can i ask ,have you ever known children with PDA make false,outrageous allegations against their parents? If so, how can they be answered when it is their word against the parents?

    If I could go to Court and explain that it is commonplace with autistic children, it would be helpful.
  • webbwebb
    Posts: 2,596
    Hi agr

    I am so, so sorry to hear all this is happening to you, you are going to need all the help from the Barrister you can get and the other person who maybe able to help would be an Expert Witness - a Professional who can write a report to the Judge to say that Children with PDA can make false allegations against anyone including their parents and it would be advisable to get the Expert Witness to appear at the Crown Court.

    In terms of finding an Expert Witness, I only know one - DR Judy Eaton at Help For Psychology, Norwich. Talk to the Barrister and ask if it will be helpful to have an Expert Witness who fully understands PDA.

    There are other cases just like yours where children have made false allegations against their parents and the Police are taking the case to court.

    Children with PDA will sometimes do anything to get what they want (or what they don't want) even telling teachers their parents physically abuse them because the parent has told the child they will not be going to McDonalds because they hit/fought with their sibling.

    Unfortunately they do not realise the consequences of their actions ie they may get taken into Care!

    However, sometimes children perceive things incorrectly? Maybe something happened when he was young or on a contact visit that he has misinterpreted?

    Or maybe he is having such a great time where he lives ie friends, money, holidays and he doesn't want to give this all up to come home to a house and area he is not used too?

    Is there anyway you can get a message to him to say that - You have realised just how much he loves his current home and you would not want to make him unhappy by having him live with you, so if he is happy then you want him to stay where he is and enjoy his life to the full. You have dropped the Appeal to ask to have him with you.

    Would this help him to drop the allegations?

    Sorry if this sounds awful but it would be better to be a free person than to carry on the Appeal???

  • agr
    Posts: 3
    Thank you ,Webb for your reply and the advise. I have already contacted my lawyer and given him the contact details of the expert you mentioned.
    I will keep you informed.
  • Skye
    Posts: 2
    Hi all, I decided to join the website after reading your post Andres57 as I have been experiencing something similar for the past few years. I actually started to believe what the PDAer in my life was saying about me and sought therapy for myself, which was great as it helped me realise that what they were saying wasn't OK and I managed to re-build some confidence and strength. But I couldn't understand why they would be calling me abusive and aggressive, and more, especially when it felt like that is what they are being to me. PDA was only diagnosed last year so it is helpful to know that perhaps this is the PDA, though desperately sad as I have no idea how to progress or cope - I also struggle to be around people who know us both and often end up avoiding which then has a knock on detrimental effect to other relationships. I still have a lot of reading and learning to do, if you have found anything helpful could you please forward my way. Many many thanks
  • RhanHRhanH
    Posts: 1,170
    Hi Skye, welcome to the forum. I’m sorry hear how difficult things have been for you. You may find it helpful to read our adult life pages about PDA and perhaps some of the new books that have been written by PDAers. I know I’ve learnt a lot from these insights and they may give you a few ideas.

  • Skye
    Posts: 2
    Thank you very much RhanH for the links, I will order some books to read up
  • Hello Skye, it is clearly a few months since I have been on this site. I wish I did have some useful information. I've come to the site now because I have found out that some of the allegations reached the local safeguarding team. Also the person concerned was allocated a worker to help support them with the "abuse"! (Didn't meet with the worker though!). Police have inadvertently reinforced the behaviour by speaking to me every time an allegation is made. I think the allegations are made in panic and anger to avoid (necessary) "demands". Perhaps these "demands" are seen as abuse. When I try to talk about it in the cold light of day, the person refuses, if I push it too much they are back believing it. I agree that you start to question whether you really are this person. And you start to become angry, which is understandable. Then most people you talk to for advice say to cut off all contact with this person. But it's horrible when people are awkward around you because they believe this...sorry...rubbish! Or the police threaten to arrest you! But I haven't given up yet. Not quite!

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