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On holiday now. ...
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    Hi everyone not posted for a while but currently on holiday in Cyprus. ...I knew it would be like this god knows why I thought it would be easy. I'm currently lying here In bed with my daughter in the same room trying not to move my feet on the bedcovers and husbands and son next door sleeping. ..I. am not allowed to show any affection to my husband which is much worse here and she almost had a meltdown when he put suncream on my back yesterday. I feel like I can barely speak to my husband without her butting in. She needs me at almost all times and has become so incompetent at just doing normal regular tasks like getting dressed showering anything ..it's like she is a toddler again to make matters worse her very long hair does not like chlorine and gets matted and takes hours to unclump that i have to do too ..she used to be able to make friends on holiday but she doesn't feel like she fits in with anyone and is so self concious...she's obsessed with cats and there are lots of them hanging around but now she is obsessed with looking for them all and feeding them....I could go on and on but she is so up and down and controlling of me its hard to come up for air! ! Sorry to rant guys!
  • Ruru
    Posts: 28
    ((((((Hugs)))))))))) Mrscoco . Rant away. Much and all as we love our little ones they can drive us bloody mad. Sorry no helpful advice ( except spray in conditioner ). I hope she settles down a bit so you get some enjoyment from the break xx
  • Holly59
    Posts: 1,896
    Oh I am so sorry to hear of your problems. Is the showering part just the normal part of Asbergers, mine can go for a week without showering , wearing same clothes, it's common problem for a lot of folks. The other part could be the PDA where she wants to totally control you.
    I know this is not much consolutation but at least your son is having a break and hopefully having a great time. Any chance of hubby taking over for a couple of hours. Any chance of buying one of those tangle free brushes from a chemist? .

    Better than the gale force winds we are having in Scotland at present. Not much sun either.


  • Practical ideas:

    Plait her hair tightly before going in the water and then it won't knot and get matted?

    Tell her to write her confessions on a piece of paper every day and arrange a time to sit down with her to go through them.

    Would it work with the toddler behaviour if you told her you were feeling unwell and couldn't manage to help her?

    Would she put suncream on your back?

    Are there any book shops there to find a book she likes so you can try to spend time with hubby uninterrupted?
  • It's not feeling like a holiday for you is it, hence I don't go anywhere because I couldn't cope away from home with them, I don't have the energy.
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    Thanks for all your suggestions everyone we have had a much better day today and had some enjoyable moments and a bit more relaxation all round I think she may be getting used to it a bit....still calls me every other second now instead of every second and has made it her mission to feed every cat on the island bought a bumper box of Catfood from lidl and I swear the complex thinks we are lunatics (they would be right then!) But if that is what makes her happy then I'm all for it!! Hair is a proper rastafarian but have a hairdresser appt booked in hotel for the morning so they can deal with it for me and cut it too!! Who knows what tomorrow will bring but I will take today and be happy xx hope everyone else's days have been manageable. Xx
  • Hair oil might do it!
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    A miracle might do it planet! ! Seriously don't understand how it's only her hair that is like that. ..even her hair is challenging me!!
    My husband and I keep laughing about her calling me everytime I leave the bedroom in our apartment to come into the living room to talk to my husband I have to keep telling her 'I am going in the living room/toilet please don't call me for 10 minutes! !" It's crazy she will also try to talk to me at the exact time someone else is usually my husband or son and if I don't listen to her will get really funny..same thing at shops earlier we were in a shopping mall and because we didn't got to the shop she wanted when she wanted she pulled a funny one but will come out of it by saying her confession phrases to make it ol again. ..in think she was enjoying herself too much to have a bad meltdown. It's funny how most people would class our good days as their bad days!!
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    Tried to get her to make friends with abother 13 year old girl who was looking at us feeding the cats and came to chat to us.w..I though perfect and left my daughter and her to it then my daughter came back saying she didn't like the girl because she was trying to take over with the cats!!! Never mind then! I suppose she saw her as a threat with her beloved cats!
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    Oops bad WiFi!
  • Sounds like a special interest there!
  • Bernie Henry Aug8 hi mrs Coco Following your holiday posts .Even on holiday our children controlus don't they? I found when we went on holiday one parent had to deal with the PDA child the child always decided which parent was collared !!You are doing great putting the needs of your chil before your own and trying to have a happy time for allthe family We just have to go along with what causes the least hassle don't we?.Anything for a bit of peace and one day at a time ?How is she dealing with the heat how hot is it?My son can go off the radar in the heat You are doing great and I hopethings are manageable for you for the remainder of the holidays Best wishes to all the family You and your partner should be very proud of yourselves
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    Thanks Bernie Henry. ...we have had some good times ....daughter is constant hard work needs attention from me 95 percent if time....is that a pda thing guys? I've figured out that most of her meltdowns modes are when she is not in control like when she asked her brother to do something with her and he says no and then i repeat to her that he does not want to do it she will then obsessively ask me why I had to repeat to her what he said....then depending on her level of agitation on the anxiety scale she will repeat a few ocd phrases and say OK I can just move on or go into full on strop either way to make it better she will repeat her ocd phrases....hubs and I are pretty good at managing it and have managed to have some coffees on balcony together when she is still asleep first thing in morn. If in our apartment which has a separate bedroom that I am sharing with her (godsend ) it keeps her separate from hubs and brother so is a good safe retreat for her to stay in to avoid sensory feet on bed triggers ....she gets funny with my feet on sheets in our shared room but I'm a pro at avoiding doing the things she hates now....is it perfect. ..far far from it but I think we are all getting some enjoyment and that is the main thing...oddly enough she's OK in the 32 deg heat however we have very good aircon and their is an indoor pool that is freezing which are both a massive help...not to mention our obsessive feeding of the cats! ! Hope all of u are having a manageable day xx
  • Berniehenryaug10hii Mrs Coco It really is a juggling act isn't it Our complex children are a round the clock job!!When we as a family used goon holiday we just had to split up myson and Iand my daughter and her dad it's the only way we would get some kind of peace!!Whatever gets you through !!Im glad to hear that the heat is not impacting too much on your daughter my. So goes off the radar when it's toohot Ihope the rest of your holiday is manageable
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    Hi everyone....thought I'd.check in....it's been a year since this post and we are back at the same apartment in cyprus....at one year on and 14 I can see Things have evolved since last we were here....it was tough getting her Here, she had a meltdown the night before we had to leave and its a miracle I got her here on no sleep....she wouldn't eat or go to the toilet on the place due to.massive social self conscious phobia.....she's been.holed up in the apartment and hasn't swam or come to the pool because she can't cope with the self conscious aspect .....she's been out with us in the eve....a couple of times.to the harbour but she won't eat outside of the apartment so just sat with us while we ate one night.....she's been less obsessed with the cAts this year as she thinks people will perceive us as crazy but we still feeding them once at night and she's more obsessed with boys and is desperate for a friend who is a boy and has been trying to get answers out of me as to what are her chances.....she's been going to sleep about 2am and waking up at 2pm and going on her phone all day......is it wicked of me to have brought her ......my son husband and I are getting some relax time at the pool which has been very welcome....
  • PDA_ASD_Parent
    Posts: 3,396
    I think you did the right thing. The more she avoids in life the more she is likely to want to avoid. At least you are getting some relax time!
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    Thanks you that just gave me a reality check xx
  • PDA_ASD_Parent
    Posts: 3,396
    We all need one of those from time-to-time...
  • Rubytuesday
    Posts: 72
    Mrscoco - we are on holiday too in Spain, thankfully somewhere we've been before... didn't think we'd make it here, panic attack at the airport... We are having a nice time, but it's very hard work! Trying to see the positives in every day, we are getting some relaxing moments but trying to balance everyone's needs is really tricky....
  • June67
    Posts: 191
    We'll done to you all, I've not been brave enough yet to venture beyond the U.K. with mine or on a plane. Just about manage self catering in the U.K. as food fads and issues feature highly in our boys autism. (Moving house no problem, wrong kind of oven chips all he'll breaks loose.) I agree the difficult thing is managing the needs of everyone whilst being effective, bit of a bus man's holiday for all (especially teachers). My sister in law is bewildered by self catering holidays saying but isn't that just the same stuff as home in a different location? Although she used less polite vocabulary, she is right in a way but or us it's much easier to manage what we can to allow them to cope with the differences.
    The odd thing is our oldest seems to have a set of holiday behaviours that he doesn't show at home; at home he asks me to locate his clothes for him and needs reminders to stay on task with getting dressed when on holiday he finds his own clothes an puts them on independently with no prompts, totally bonkers wish he'd transfer this to home it would make things much easier.
    Do anyone else's children do this type of thing? The youngest insists on a sit down all together breakfast on holiday also.
  • Well, it's the last day of our holiday and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved... on balance, we've had a nice time but it has been hard work. Not helped by fact that three out of four of us have had an ear infection, including my daughter. Food has been a massive issue and eating out a nightmare, and I'm dreading flight home tomorrow. But we have had lovely sunshine and some fun as a family, and bearing in mind where we were a few months ago that's a miracle. So I'll take the positives but think we'll opt for the UK next year!!!
  • PDA_ASD_Parent
    Posts: 3,396
    Glad there have been some positives Rubytuesday. It's never really a holiday is it!
  • June67
    Posts: 191
    Ouch ear infections are the bane of our holidays and lives, really feel for you there. Hope your journey back is not as bad as you expect, glad you had some good bits in the sun. As you say you have come so far in the past few months hold on to the good stuff.
  • Home safe and sound thank goodness and journey was relatively drama free. Daughter has been in her room pretty much since we got home, so think it will take a few days to 'recover', for all of us! But we did have some lovely bits, so will hold onto these as you say June.
  • mrscoco
    Posts: 185
    same rubytuesday, we got home yesterday, she was amazing on the journey home, she even used the loo on the plane and ate some peanuts and olives (on the way out she wouldnt eat or use the loo due to social anxiety) Even though daughter would not swim or come to the pool, choosing to stay in the room and sleep till early afternoon, she did however get ready and come out with us in the evenings albeit she didnt eat and had her phone with her music and headphones, it was just great to have her come out with us.... i feel that it was different out of our normal groundhog day routine of our own house and i had a lot of laughs with her late at night which was really good for us..... i think getting away did her a lot of good

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