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Daily Aggression at Home: I’m begging for help
  • We are having huge issues with our 6 year old son at home. There is daily physical aggression towards us and his younger sister on a daily basis. It literally starts as soon as he’s awake; hitting, kicking, spitting. He slapped his 3 year old sister on the back so hard this morning he left two red handprints. He grabs and squeezes her head, follows her around controlling her play, slapping her or kicking her if she doesn’t do what he wants. I just don’t know how to stop it but it’s making home life miserable and unbearable for us all. I know normal consequences don’t work but we have to stop this daily aggression but I don’t know how. Ella is terrified of her brother, I’m exhausted from trying to stop him hurting her or me all day or all evening after school and it’s tearing us apart. Please please help me.
  • RhanHRhanH
    Posts: 707
    Welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear how challenging things are for you at the moment. May I ask if you have any diagnosis for your son, and does he behave in the same way at school / outside of the home?

    Our daughter started displaying violent challenging behaviour when she started school and it was like overnight we’d lost our happy child. We have an older daughter too and she became the target for our youngest similar to what you’re experiencing. Obviously being older we could ask her to move to a safe space usually her room while we contained her sister, but if she’d been younger I think our priority would have been to move her to safety first.

    The key will be to work out why your son is behaving in this way eg. could it be school, sibling rivalry, etc? Once you know the trigger you can then start to work out strategies to help.

    Anxiety can be all consuming for children with PDA and anything can be seen as a demand to avoid. They desperately need to feel that they are in control of everything. Therefore the more creative and innovative you can be the better. Offering limited choices and games or races to achieve things can also work well for younger children too. Rewards and consequences often have little effect but obviously in calmer moments you need to try to talk about the need to be kind and not hit etc, offering strategies that he could try instead ie. using soft cushions for a pillow fight, putty, blowing bubbles, etc.

    If you haven’t yet seen a paediatrician I’d definitely ask for a referral from your GP so you can start to find answers for your son.

    I’m also going to send you a PM. Look at the header of the forum and click on messages.
  • At the moment my son masks in school and they see no issues. We are under a paediatrician but until he starts showing traits in school she won’t refer us for an assessment.
  • Holly59
    Posts: 2,526

    welshgirl21 said:

    At the moment my son masks in school and they see no issues. We are under a paediatrician but until he starts showing traits in school she won’t refer us for an assessment.



    Hi,
    I am so sorry to hear of your issues .

    https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/families

    https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/professionals

    I am sure you have been advised by PM but you need to get this Consultant to listen . You could as an interim measure contact Help4Psychology in Norwich . They offer a pre assesment at £95 , it’s form filling including the PDA questionnaire . The other part can be done over Skype . This gives you a very basic report but at least this will give you more evidence .

    Is there a support group near you ? Also there are training days on offer . You defiantly need video evidence on your mobile if it’s safe to do so . You could also show the teachers the link and ask if they would keep an evidence diary too .

    https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/education

    https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/blog

    You can approach Carers UK and ask for an assesment of your needs . Also you can apply for DLA without a formal diagnosis but you will need support from a Charity or Citizens Advice , Turn2us or a welfare benefits agency .

    You could always ask your MP to support too .

    Pat xx
  • RhanHRhanH
    Posts: 707
    Our teachers guide highlights masking in school and maybe helpful for you to show the staff, however this shouldn't stop an assessment from being undertaken; we can talk more on this later. https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/education/teachers-guide
  • Holly59
    Posts: 2,526

    RhanH said:

    Our teachers guide highlights masking in school and maybe helpful for you to show the staff, however this shouldn't stop an assessment from being undertaken; we can talk more on this later. https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/education/teachers-guide



    Hi,
    This was the same issues I had whilst the Aspergers assesment was being undertaken . The lack of understanding of “ masking “ is appaling . That’s before I recognised the PDA . All the evidence was in school reports and assessments .

    Pat xx

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