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14 year old - OCD/Aspergers or is it PDA?
  • paulfoel
    Posts: 13
    Diagnosed over a year ago with OCD.
    We paid for him to see a private psychiatrist and he now takes Sertaline. Psych also suspects Aspergers.

    His behaviour has got increasingly violent. Three times he has assaulted me - last week he punched me in the face several times. Even the slightest thing seems to set him off - any sort of disagreement with him at all.

    After last week we removed his PC, mobile phone etc. Today he kicked off because I wouldn't give it back because he says we dont trust him. We've caught him this week sneaking his phone and using his PC.

    Hes been given things to do by his counsellor - keep a record etc. He just can't be bothered to do it.
    I bought him a book for teenagers about Aspergers - cant be bothered.
    Trying to get him to go on forums with other young people like himself - can't be bothered.

    I've tried to explain to him that we're not taking things away from him to be spiteful but things have got really serious now (after the punching) and he needs time to think, try and start doing the things the counsellor suggests etc. I know full well when his PC is back then there is no chance of anything else making a dent.

    Its almost as if hes forgotten/doesnt care about last week. Counsellor is currently considering whether he has OCD even. He spends hours in the bathroom doing what he needs but says he does not stress about. He has no panics or thoughts of something nasty happening.

    He can play PC games for hours, take an hour in the bathroom, then go back. Its almost as if hes settled on this is how things are going to be so never mind. At home I guess hes in his comfort zone.

    He takes his meds when he can be bothered too.

    Interesting he has no issues at all at school. Teachers look at me as if I'm talking Greek when I ask them if there are problems with him. It is only at home.

    In a way its lucky because he would have been excluded from school/in a police cell if he'd done what he does at home. Then again sometimes I wish he would because then we'd have someone else to fight our corner.

    We just can't get through to him at the moment but can see things sliding down a very steep slippery slope especially with the violence. Im a big lad and can handle him but hes bigger than his mother and hes got a 4 year old sister (who he has lost his temper with once or twice).

    I just can't get through to him at all and really don't know what the next step is. Is this Aspergers or is it PDA?
    Or is there a chunk of bad teenage behaviour in here?
  • Holly59
    Posts: 2,586

    paulfoel said:

    Diagnosed over a year ago with OCD.
    We paid for him to see a private psychiatrist and he now takes Sertaline. Psych also suspects Aspergers.

    His behaviour has got increasingly violent. Three times he has assaulted me - last week he punched me in the face several times. Even the slightest thing seems to set him off - any sort of disagreement with him at all.

    After last week we removed his PC, mobile phone etc. Today he kicked off because I wouldn't give it back because he says we dont trust him. We've caught him this week sneaking his phone and using his PC.

    Hes been given things to do by his counsellor - keep a record etc. He just can't be bothered to do it.
    I bought him a book for teenagers about Aspergers - cant be bothered.
    Trying to get him to go on forums with other young people like himself - can't be bothered.

    I've tried to explain to him that we're not taking things away from him to be spiteful but things have got really serious now (after the punching) and he needs time to think, try and start doing the things the counsellor suggests etc. I know full well when his PC is back then there is no chance of anything else making a dent.

    Its almost as if hes forgotten/doesnt care about last week. Counsellor is currently considering whether he has OCD even. He spends hours in the bathroom doing what he needs but says he does not stress about. He has no panics or thoughts of something nasty happening.

    He can play PC games for hours, take an hour in the bathroom, then go back. Its almost as if hes settled on this is how things are going to be so never mind. At home I guess hes in his comfort zone.

    He takes his meds when he can be bothered too.

    Interesting he has no issues at all at school. Teachers look at me as if I'm talking Greek when I ask them if there are problems with him. It is only at home.

    In a way its lucky because he would have been excluded from school/in a police cell if he'd done what he does at home. Then again sometimes I wish he would because then we'd have someone else to fight our corner.

    We just can't get through to him at the moment but can see things sliding down a very steep slippery slope especially with the violence. Im a big lad and can handle him but hes bigger than his mother and hes got a 4 year old sister (who he has lost his temper with once or twice).

    I just can't get through to him at all and really don't know what the next step is. Is this Aspergers or is it PDA?
    Or is there a chunk of bad teenage behaviour in here?



    Hi ,
    Welcome to the Forum ,
    First of all you can split the issues into Autism and PDA . Although we don’t have a full medical history defiantly sounds like PDA

    Had you completed the EDA questionairee ?

    https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/families

    Masking is very common in school then they arrive home and you get the Coke Bottle effect , boom .

    I would defiantly ask for an urgent referral to CAMHS via your GP .

    If you wish to go down the private route the four recommended by the PDA Society are on pg 36 of the Clinicians Guide .

    Help4Psychology offer a pre assesment at £95 . This will give you a very basic report , paperwork filling then Skype but at least it tells you if you are heading in the right direction .

    The webinars are a great way to learn . Have you a training day beside you or a support group ?

    https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/resources

    Pat xx

  • paulfoel
    Posts: 13
    Thanks Pat. I will take a look at those links...

    He does see CAMHS. Hes been to two appointment so far. Problem is he refuses to engage at all.

    I did speak to them this morning but all I get is "we'll discuss at next appointment" - three weeks away.
  • Holly59
    Posts: 2,586

    paulfoel said:

    Thanks Pat. I will take a look at those links...

    He does see CAMHS. Hes been to two appointment so far. Problem is he refuses to engage at all.


    I did speak to them this morning but all I get is "we'll discuss at next appointment" - three weeks away.



    Hi ,

    You could ask for a home appointment but whether you would get one is another matter .

    https://www.positiveautismsupportandtraining.co.uk/laura-kerbey

    Laura Kerbey works from email and Skype to support . She is fantastic , I have been working with her to set up training where I live j.

    I presume you are in England because our Education Laws are different up here . I can understand your sheer frustration , I was waiting three months for appointments and they were cancelled time after time .

    Try using PDA Stratagies at home , keep a diary , see what happens , if the school would engage with you and do the same , it’s a start to the collection of evidence .

    http://evolutian.wixsite.com/planetautism/infofactsheets

    Some very useful links on Planet Autism’s site too .

    Pat xx
  • paulfoel
    Posts: 13
    Been a while since I posted this. Since then hes been officially diagnosed as on the ASD spectrum. Sees CAMHS but they are pretty useless.

    Unfortunately, his behaviour has got worse. Aggressive and violent. Last week he assaulted his mother and put her in hospital.

    He just does not seem to get consequences at all. Almost as if he blanks it off. We've tried and tried to get through to him how serious it is but he still keeps doing it.

    We've tried backing off, house rules are minimal. We wrote down the rules to make it clear. Still he does not do things. He lies all the time and will deny everything. Then when we finally punish him he kicks off.

    His PC is part of the problem. Hes on it constantly playing games. In a way its his safe place but it seems to be more important to him than anything else. We've tried restricting usage but it makes him worse because he kicks off.

    Help is hard to come by. Don't know where to go next.

    CAMHS have just said "call the police". Great eh?
  • paulfoel
    Posts: 13
    The problem we have now is how to deal with this situation. It seems there are differing views whoever you speak to.

    Like I said, in the past we've tried it all. The softly softly approach and it hasnt work to be honest. He just takes it as a free ride. We've sat him down many many times and calmly explained about boundaries and how violence is unacceptable. Spoke to his CAMHS psych and his opinion is that he is 100% able to understand this and stick to this boundary and that Aspergers is not to blame here.

    Without access to the PC hes a different kid - hes better behaved, speak to people, plays with his sister and does family stuff. If he never ever had a PC it would be a godend to be honest. BUT he does chill out and loves it.

    Hes not got his PC at the moment since the issues. His mum is still very annoyed and upset - quite rightly and doesnt want to give him his PC back for a long, long time.

    Personally, I don't know. One idea is he has no access during the week (might get him to concentrate a bit on homework) and just the weekend? I dont want to set it as a punishment (because it wont work anyway) but if I'm honest the PC is the root of all evil in the house.

    It could go either way:-

    1. He moans a little. He gets limited access and we get a better behaved kid because hes off during the week.

    2. He kicks off because he has limited access, or doesnt understand why and thinks of it as punishment and it gets worse.
  • paulfoel
    Posts: 13
    Sorry James - to clarify, after years he got an official ASD diagnosis before xmas.

    The online forums I was thinking more the aspie specific ones. Even self -help stuff but I see what you mean.

    No thats the problem he has had unlimited access which, even though it does calm him down has made things worse.

    Applied for DLA months ago. Got turned down. At tribunal stage now. Not easy that is.
  • Paul



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