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Consequences for challenging behaviour
  • SGCmum
    Posts: 84
    Hi. I have used rewards and consequences for many years with my 2 probable PDA girls, with no effect whatsoever of the latter, and short lived with the former. Since discovering PDA I am concerned I may have go be too far the other way. I will now say that certain behaviours are not acceptable or ask politely for them to stop doing something, then leave it if I can ( not always this calmly!!) However, this has coincided with a stressful year 6 and then secondary school for my youngest, as a result of which her anxiety has skyrocketed. Her behaviour is worsening as you would expect, with more violence then previously. I'm wondering if some of this may be due to lack of punishment for sometimes pretty serious behaviours, punching me, pulling hair etc, or is just due to the huge anxiety she is experiencing. I guess I'm wondering if letting her 'get away' with this behaviour means she doesn't have to reign it in if she is able to. Or maybe she really can't control herself. And how do I tell? I know she feels bad about herself afterwards, esp if it is mentioned another time, so there is a consequence of some sort. Well, I'm rambling a bit, but I'm just thinking that since pulling back from consequences I may have made things worse, and perhaps some things should have consequences. I'm just not sure what. Any thoughts would be very welcome.
  • It's really hard isn't it... I can only speak from personal experience but neither rewards or consequences have ever worked for my daughter, in fact they generally make things worse. It is hard as parent though to see some really challenging behaviour and not react... Since my daughter had a breakdown and ASD diagnosis over 18 months ago we have really changed our approach and no longer use either. When she has a meltdown she feels awful afterwards, which as you say is a consequence in itself. I also know that she really can't help it so don't feel I can have a consequence for that reason too. Since we've adopted this approach her meltdowns have reduced drastically and life is (generally calmer). This has also coincided with her not being at school any more though! Sorry, I've rambled now, not sure if this is any help at all!
  • SGCmum
    Posts: 84
    Thank you, that is helpful. You be have been reassuring on more than one occasion. I will put the worsening behaviour down to increased anxiety and not a lack of imposed consequences.
  • paulfoel
    Posts: 13
    Yes beginning to think the same with son. He just does not do consequences at all.

    Even after putting his mother in hospital he just doesnt seem to be able to "get it".

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