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My PDA boyfriend - a success story
  • Zoomb
    Posts: 1
    Hello
    I'm new to the forum, and have only briefly looked at the other posts, however I think it might be useful for many parents on here to hear my story. I am 26 and I believe that my 30 yr old boyfriend has PDA. He has never been diagnosed, but after reading the characteristics of PDA I think it explains him and his quirks that have always baffled me. I have suspected for a while that he may be on the autistic spectrum, however due to his sociable-ness and love of talking to people, I never felt he fitted the average autistic profile. I know he had trouble at school and has always felt like he never fits in. His school tried to get him help/a diagnosis for something but I believe he always managed to confuse most experts (this is probably down to the 'pathological' part of his personality as he never wanted to accept that help).

    My main reason for writing is to tell people that children with PDA can grow into very successful adults. He has struggled in the past finding his feet in the world, but now has a very successful job as an insurance loss adjuster, has me (a wonderful girlfriend - even if I do say so myself), and a handful of really good friends. I met him 4 years ago and was so intrigued by his intelligence, in depth knowledge about everything and all his odd idiosyncrasies that I fell completely in love with him. Our relationship can be difficult at times, but now I have read about PDA I feel like I understand him and his behaviour a lot better now. Similarly with work, some managers in the past have found him difficult, but he is a perfectionist in his work and is very good at what he does. His job has allowed him to travel the world and he has lived in many countries and had great experiences there. I think going to other countries has really helped him find his place as language barriers and cultural differences can actually help improve his communication with others (does that make sense? ).

    I've seen a few posts from parents questioning whether or not to tell their children they have PDA and ask how best to manage them. I would say that a child definitely needs to know, I'm sure a lot of frustration must come from knowing you are different but not knowing why. Personally if I had known from the beginning of our relationship that he has PDA, we would've had fewer arguments and I would've been able to manage the situation a lot better. I would also suggest that just because a child has PDA that doesn't mean you shouldn't place many demands on them, the world is demanding and they have to learn how to manage their behaviour. Now with my boyfriend I am able to ask him clearly to do something and he will because he knows it is important to me and he really wants to please me.

    I hope this is useful for people. Please feel free to ask any questions.
  • It's great that your boyfriend has managed to do so well despite his difficulties. Absolutely agree that children should be told of their diagnosis/condition. Thanks for posting.
  • RhanHRhanH
    Posts: 1,138
    Thank you so much for sharing Zoomb.
  • webbwebb
    Posts: 2,569
    Hi, thank you so much for sharing your experiences of your relationship with your boyfriend who has PDA.
    It is really great that you took the time to post and tell us what it can be like to be in a relationship with an adult who has PDA.
    Thank you x (because it gives us all so much hope for our children)

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