Self-care for people who support PDAers

In the role of a carer, emotional presence can an essential part of safety and stability for the person being supported. But feeling required to be constantly “on alert” can quietly wear you down. Self-regulation — the ability to keep a balanced nervous system — is not a luxury. It’s essential. It’s core to co-regulation, the process by which carers help the person (or people) they support feel calmer and less anxious.   

This guide offers gentle, low or no-cost ideas for micro moments of self-care. These aren’t big, scheduled breaks—they’re small, doable acts of self-investment that can fit into the tiny cracks of a day.  

Self-regulation is the ability to stay connected to yourself, manage overwhelming emotions, and return to calm after stress. It’s especially important for carers, because they:  

• are often absorbing another person’s distress or big emotions.  
• might be under constant pressure and unable to get enough rest or support.  
• are human—and have nervous systems which need care, too.  

Each of these practices takes a maximum of ten minutes, and don’t require any special tools, apps, or financial outlay. They are simple ways to re-centre yourself during or between your caring responsibilities.  

1. Connecting with your senses

Try pausing for one minute and noticing:

• five things you can see
• four things you can touch
• three things you can hear
• two thing you can smell
• one thing you can taste.

This sensory check-in helps bring the nervous system into the present moment and calms anxiety.

2. Breathing techniques

Ratio breathing techniques like the 4-2-6 method helps lower your heart rate and break out of the panic or fight/flight mode by:

• inhaling for four seconds, holding for two, exhaling for six.  

• doing this for three to five breaths signals safety to the body and can help lower stress hormones.  

3. Stepping outside

Even for 90 seconds, even whilst putting out the bins or hanging out the washing.  Try stopping for a moment and feeling the fresh air or looking up and noticing the sky. Even a short moment outdoors helps reset the system, reduce stress, and regulate emotions.  

4. Using a mantra or affirmation

Choosing a phrase like:  

“I am doing enough.”  

“I breathe in calm; I breathe out stress.”  

“This moment will pass.” 

“I am safe.”  

And repeating it silently when feeling overwhelmed. Mantras give the brain something soothing to hold onto and can refocus a negative state into a more positive one. 

5. Mini body scan

This can be done whilst sitting down or standing still. Take 30 seconds to slowly scan from head to toe. Asking: “Where am I tense? Can I soften this?” 

Even brief awareness could help to regulate physical stress held in the body and let some of it go.  

6. Eating or drinking mindfully

A quick way to do this is with a cold glass of water and hydrating slowly. Feeling the coolness. Noticing the way the body receives it.  

For a simple challenge try eating something you enjoy as slowly as possible, noticing the taste, smell sound and texture of each bite.  

This tiny act can bring both nourishment and present moment focus in one activity.  

7. Stretching one body part

Picking one area— neck, wrists, or shoulders—and stretching it gently for one minute. Even gentle movement can release stored tension.  

8. Micro-journalling

Finding a quick moment to simply write down:  

• one thing you found hard today. 

• one thing you’re proud of.

• one thing you’re grateful for.

This can help release emotion and create a sense of meaning in the chaos.  

9. Digital pause

Putting your phone down out of reach for five minutes—no scrolling, no checking. This gives the mind a rest from stimulation. Try observing what you feel in the quiet.  

10. Naming the feeling

In times of overwhelm, naming emotions out loud or in our heads can help process and move through them, rather than holding onto them and storing them up.  

Using some of these low demand self-regulation ideas could help to maintain a feeling of presence and emotional availability — even when life feels relentless. These small acts are how you keep showing up, without losing yourself in the process.  

If you’re looking for ideas that actually help, our parent carer training could be for you. It’s built by people with lived experience, and is full of practical tips. Families tell us that after our training they better understand what is going on for their child, why they are struggling and what they can do to help.