Understanding equalising (levelling) in PDA
Equalising, also known as levelling, describes behaviours used by PDAers when they sense unfairness or imbalance in relationships or interactions. These behaviours are driven by the strong need to regain a sense of autonomy, control, and fairness.
PDAers may experience intense anxiety when they feel controlled or dominated. Equalising behaviours are their way of reducing this anxiety by ‘levelling the playing field’ and restoring emotional balance.
What equalising (levelling) can look like:
- Taking control. For example: A PDA child might want to make all decisions, even small ones, to regain control.
- Resisting authority or hierarchies on principle. For example: An adult PDAer might consistently challenge or refuse requests from someone they feel is overly authoritative or unfair.
- A strong sense of justice. For example: A PDA child might react strongly if they perceive unfair treatment compared to siblings, perhaps demanding exactly equal attention or privileges.
- Avoiding or delaying tasks. For example: A PDAer might deliberately delay or avoid tasks if they feel forced or pressured, as a way to restore a feeling of autonomy.
- Contradicting or correcting. For example: A PDAer may frequently correct or contradict others, especially authority figures, to feel equal or regain control in conversations.
Here are some ideas that might be helpful when thinking about supporting someone who is equalising. You might consider:
- Validating feelings: it can be helpful recognise and affirm a PDAer’s feelings of unfairness or anxiety, even if the situation seems minor to you.
- Being willing to negotiate and adapt requests. Rigidity can increase anxiety and trigger equalising behaviours.
- Being transparent about expectations and reasons behind decisions. This can help PDAers feel respected and understood.