PDA and personal hygiene

If you’re a PDAer struggling with personal hygiene tasks, you’re not alone. Many PDAers find regular self-care tasks like showering, brushing teeth, or changing clothes challenging. Even though you may like feeling clean and presentable, sensory sensitivities and too many demands can make hygiene feel overwhelming. On this page we look at why it could be hard for you and suggest some ideas which could help.

Regular hygiene activities, including ones we choose, can feel like demands. For many PDAers, just knowing you “have to” take a shower or “should” brush your teeth can really raise anxiety levels. To feel safer and more in control the demand is avoided. This makes it hard to start or follow through with tasks. Here are some other reasons it can feel difficult:

• Executive function: the brain’s “planning and doing” system can be an area many neurodivergent people struggle with. How to do the task, sorting out the steps needed and being able to finish it can take a lot of mental effort. You might feel “stuck” thinking about the steps involved.
  
• Sensory sensitivities: some PDAers also have sensory processing differences. Personal hygiene activities often involve a sensory change. Some people find this soothing or refreshing but it might feel unpleasant or even painful. Water can run too hot or cold and toiletries may have a strong smell. The feeling of a toothbrush and toothpaste can be overwhelming. Transitioning from being in warm water to being cold and having to dry yourself quickly can be tricky and raise anxiety. This may give you another reason to avoid tasks because they feel uncomfortable.
  
• Lacking energy: PDAers often juggle high anxiety levels throughout the day, and this uses up a lot of energy. If you’ve spent all day getting through work or other responsibilities, you might have nothing left in the tank for a shower at night. Some PDA adults report that if they need to do something stressful, like attending a big event. They conserve energy by dropping non-essential tasks like washing hair for a while. This is a coping mechanism, not a failing.

Understanding these factors isn’t about making excuses, it’s about being kind to yourself. When you know why these things feel hard to do, you can start to let go of feeling frustrated and find ways to work around it.

Reminding yourself that you have a choice can really take the pressure off. Telling yourself that it’s okay not to do the task might mean you suddenly feel more able to do it. It can be a way of reclaiming control, so you feel less avoidance. Other things that could help may include:

• Making it pleasant: finding ways to reduce discomfort and even help the tasks feel nice. It might be that you prefer a bath to a shower, or vice versa. Doing what feels best for your senses on any given day. Choosing products with textures and scents you like, or fragrance free if that is what you need. By heating up the bathroom beforehand the transition from warm to cold may not feel so overwhelming. Listening to your favourite music or an audiobook to help distract you. You could ask someone to help you prepare these steps to make it easier for you to just get on with the task.
  
• Breaking it down: breaking the task down into smaller steps could make it feel more manageable. Who says you must do everything at once? You could use dry shampoo instead of a hair wash or just wash your face and armpits with a wet cloth. A quick brush of the teeth or a swish with some mouthwash is better than nothing. Giving yourself permission to do what you can manage means you’re more likely to get started and do something at least.
  
• Taking your time: doing these tasks when you feel more able to cope can help you to fit them into your day or week. There doesn’t need to be a set time or routine if that doesn’t work for you. It’s okay to do things at a different time to other people.
  
• Using supports and shortcuts: it might be helpful to leave yourself a gentle reminder on a note somewhere which can prompt you without feeling too pushy. Some PDAers find it easier if someone keeps them company during or around the task to support and distract. Using gadgets or products which make life easier can help hygiene tasks feel less stressful.

Different things work for different people. What you find helpful one day may not be useful the next time you try it. Trying different approaches and changing them when you need, keeps things flexible.

You could try seeking out other PDAers or neurodivergent folks who “get it.” This might be through online communities, a local support group, or friends. Connecting with others who have similar struggles can be incredibly validating. They may be able to offer some hacks you hadn’t thought of or offer moral support on tough days. It’s good to remember that your worth as a person isn’t measured by how often you wash your hair. You’re doing the best you can, and that is enough.

Lots of people choose to support us by fundraising – and we’re so grateful. Whether it’s big or small, every effort helps keep this work going. If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, we’ve got ideas to get you started.