Understanding and supporting distressed behaviours in PDAers

Distressed behaviours can be incredibly upsetting to witness and experience. Whether you’re a parent, carer, or a PDAer yourself, recognising what these behaviours truly represent-and how best to respond-can be transformative in creating safer, more supportive environments.

Distressed behaviours in PDAers are often complex, multifaceted, and easily misinterpreted. They may include:

• Meltdowns: intense emotional outbursts that may include shouting, crying, or physical aggression.
  
• Shutdowns: a withdrawal from interaction, potentially appearing as refusal, silence, or dissociation.
  
• Flight behaviours: running away or avoiding situations, sometimes without warning.
  
• Self-injurious actions: harming oneself as an outlet for overwhelming emotional or sensory distress.
  
• Verbal or physical aggression: often misunderstood as oppositional but typically rooted in extreme anxiety or panic.

These behaviours are best understood as panic attacks-strong, involuntary responses to overwhelming demand or anxiety.

According to PDAers and professionals, the root of distress lies in anxiety-often sparked by accumulated demands, sensory overload, or social expectations.

It’s useful to think of behaviour like an iceberg – what you can see is just the tip. Underneath lie triggers such as fear of failure, trauma, or fear of loss of autonomy. Understanding this helps us reframe what support is needed.

1. Reframing behaviour- you might start by viewing distressed behaviours through a lens of compassion, understanding that the person is communicating as well as they can right now.

2. Creating safe recovery spaces – by having (or being) a calm, predictable place where the PDAer can go when feeling overwhelmed.
3. Being a quiet presence can be more helpful than engagement sometimes.

Supporting a PDAer means looking beneath behaviours to discover unmet needs. It also requires balancing compassion with practical support. Distressed behaviours happen when a person is overwhelmed – and it is much more comfortable for everyone if help is offered earlier and those behaviours are reduced.

In depth information about shifting your mindset and helpful approaches to support PDAers can be found here. Used compassionately and consistently they can help PDAers live happier lives, where distressed behaviours and the anxiety that causes them are less of a feature.

If you’re looking for ideas that actually help, our parent carer training could be for you. It’s built by people with lived experience, and is full of practical tips. Families tell us that after our training they better understand what is going on for their child, why they are struggling and what they can do to help. You can see all our training (free and paid for) here