Parenting as a PDAer
Being a parent when you identify as PDA yourself can present some unique challenges which may benefit from some unique approaches. These are some examples provided by PDA parents of PDA children …
These are some other thoughts about parenting as a PDAer, shared in the book PDA by PDAers (published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers) …
Laura: I am in the process of writing up how-tos as well as family expectations/house rules regarding things that need to be done for us all to be happy and healthy. When we all know the actual expectations of each other we have stopped ‘biting each other’s heads off’ so much (pg 315).
Riko: I find it hard as a PDAer to parent PDA kids … It’s very difficult relinquishing control of tasks and activities in order to make it easier for the kids to handle … Managing my kids’ demand avoidance alongside my own is an exhausting, never-ending task … In some ways I understand my kids on a level most probably don’t … There are times though when I just can’t fathom my kids or when I don’t have the strength to consider the feelings behind their behaviours … We have a lot of ups and downs but I think overall we get each other and are working on getting on with each other. It’s a work in progress and in some ways it will always be an exhausting uphill battle, but we are all trying our hardest to overcome our demand avoidance. One day at a time. (pg 325).
Sally Cat: It is similar to the person-centred counselling ethos … this places the client (in this context, the child) as the expert and the counsellor (here substitute parent) as an unfailingly warm/positive, non-judgemental facilitator who does not direct the client/child but encourages them to find their own way. (pg 319).
Heidi: Some of those knee-jerk responses to certain things will prompt the instilled response that was projected onto me, but I’m mindful and a work in progress so I am able to backpedal and learn from each ‘slip’ to repeating bad habits. It’s hard … very hard to take a new approach, especially when it’s not widely accepted or tolerated …. (pg 322).
Sally Cat: As a PDA parent of a PDA 6 year old daughter I find I get overloaded very quickly … trying to stay focused on what SHE wants me to focus on is draining. Very draining. I need a lot of quiet time. Now I understand why I need this, I feel less guilty about it …. I think it’s important to admit to our children when we’re upset. They’re going to sense it anyway and likely blame themselves if you don’t explain the reasons. (pg 324).
Thank you to Sally Cat’s PDA page for allowing us to share this graphic
These blog posts may also be helpful:
Kristy Forbes:
Riko’s blog:
Different NOT Deficient (Jo Richardson Au):